


Make A Believer Out Of Me

by pollvx



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crimes & Criminals, Explicit Language, Heist, Magicians, One Shot, Police, Street & Stage Magic, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2020-03-06 07:34:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18846511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pollvx/pseuds/pollvx
Summary: Vanya Hargreeves, if she was known at all, was known for appreciating the slower beats in life - which is why it might come as a surprise to anyone who sees her meandering gait that she’s traveling with a troupe of magicians known as The Umbrella Academy.Or the TUA/Now You See Me mash-up no one asked for!





	Make A Believer Out Of Me

**Author's Note:**

> I got stuck writing my finals papers, so my friend told me to write for myself. Since I've had this in mind for a while, I decided to follow her advice and try this out. Haven't seen either show in ages though, so I'm sorry if the characterization is off.

Vanya Hargreeves, if she was known at all, was known for appreciating the slower beats in life - which is why it might come as a surprise to anyone who sees her meandering gait that she’s traveling with a troupe of magicians known as The Umbrella Academy.

 

During the hour-long array of diverse acts the Academy’s been known for since their debut two months ago, when they blazed through the ranks of the most sought after performers, Vanya is on stage for a total of ten minutes tops. Sometimes it’s to pull off Luther’s tear-away tracksuit before he climbs into whatever death trap Five and Diego designed for him. Sometimes she’s to escort Allison’s next hypnosis victim onto the stage. Sometimes she gets to play the damsel in distress Diego chucks his infinite knives at. But mostly, Vanya carries in props, usually it’s the black-clothed table where Five does his card tricks on.

 

For any regular performance, one could usually find Vanya off to the side, just behind the curtains, looking proudly at her magical family. That is assuming, of course, one is able to tear their eyes away from Klaus nonchalantly levitating as he does his clairvoyant routine long enough to spot her in practical camouflage. “My brother Ben tells me that out of all the postcards we have here, the one in your hand that represents your dream date is Paris, is that right?” Klaus would say as the audience member flipped their card around to reveal a picture of the Eiffel Tower. Klaus would giggle, hand pressed to his ear, “Ben also wants me to tell you that ‘ya basic.’”

 

This wasn’t any regular performance, however. Tonight, they were asked to perform for an auction at the Baird Auditorium. It was their first gig at a space as fancy as the Smithsonian and, to anyone else, it might have been stage fright that caused Vanya to wrung her wrist repeatedly as she watched Five sneak behind the model elephant before the cloth could fully cover it. As Diego counted down towards a loud bang and the sudden onset of fog, Vanya’s eyes widened in fear, as though the trick failed.

 

But both Five and the elephant disappeared from the stage, leaving behind the fluttering cloth. Vanya closed her eyes and she could almost see it: Five landing a few corridors down until he’s right at the Hall of Geology, Gems, and Minerals. Five using the sudden thunderous applause of the crowd to mask the inevitable sound of a vault being blown to bits. She took a deep breath and, in her mind’s eye, she saw a rare gleam of mischief - or maybe it was just the reflection of stones? - in her brother’s eyes as he reached forward and took hold of the Steinmetz Pink, otherwise known as the Pink Star diamond.

 

* * *

 

 

“State your name for the record please,” Hazel said bluntly, his eyes drifting lazily down his script as if he hasn’t already memorized the questions by now.

 

The inspector raised his eyes at an indignant sputter and found Miss Vanya Hargreeves staring blank at the table between them with her mouth opened slightly. “I don’t - I don’t understand. We’ve been through this three times now. I’m so tired,” he heard her mutter. Hazel shifted in his seat, resting his elbows on the table and that - or maybe it was the sight of the handcuffs she currently wore - seemed to snap Vanya back to reality. “My name is Vanya Hargreeves,” she said through gritted teeth.

 

“Miss Hargreeves, what is your role in the Academy?” He made a show of writing down her answer, but really, he only doodled donut shapes on his chart. He could hear his companion, Chacha, tapping her long fingernails on the table impatiently.

 

“I didn’t have a role. I wasn’t in the inner circle, I wasn’t even a magician. Most I could do is bend a spoon “with my mind”,” the heavy sarcasm seemed unnecessary when she was already quoting the air. “They didn’t tell me shit.”

 

Hazel hummed in consideration. “Did you know that at the night of your performance, the Smithsonian housed eight of the most expensive diamonds in the world?”

 

Vanya nodded. “It was the most publicized exhibition of the summer.”

 

“Do you know how much those all cost?”

 

“No, I-”

 

“$83 million for the Steinmetz alone,” Chacha said in a booming voice. Hazel had to sigh as he watched the girl jump in her seat. “Now, which one of your greedy family first set their sights on the rocks? Is Allison as vapid as she looks and asked ol’ Luther to get her something sparkly? Is he wrapped around her finger? Did Five-”

 

“You’ve got the wrong people,” Vanya snapped. Her chest heaved with her heavy breaths and she took a moment before continuing. “That’s not us.”

 

Watching Chacha work always reminded him of late nights and falling asleep to Nat Geo documentaries. She lured the girl in through intimidation and when she heard Vanya’s small squeak of defiance, saw the moisture building behind her eyes, Chacha’s grin turned hungry. “Aren’t you cute, still defending them even after they left you behind? “That’s not you”?” The mocking laughter that spilled forth sent chills down Hazel’s spine. “Is it so hard to believe that after months of planning, they just forgot to include you into their escape? This heist you all pulled is ten years at least and that’s __before__ powerful people get their hands on the case. If the diamonds just vanished without a trace, men in high places would be breathing down our necks to catch the culprits. But you, you’re not even one of them, are you?” Chacha looked down briefly before slapping her own thigh in a display of joy. “With you here, they could buy themselves some time.” She seemed almost impressed.

 

Despite himself, even Hazel was impressed. For a first heist, their success was on another magnitude. They broke into stage performance a whole month before the exhibit was announced. Considering the security measures required for such a priceless display, someone must have tipped them off about the loan much earlier than that. Some of his boys were in the process of checking the security cameras, but he wouldn’t be surprised if they spot one of the members staking the joint at least five months in advance. It was a long con and they got all that they came for. It would’ve been the perfect crime if the police hadn’t cornered Vanya in a nearby alley.

 

As he watched the look of horror and realization cross Vanya’s face, he knew she was getting to the same conclusion. Hazel cleared his throat. “Do you think this scenario is plausible?”

 

She folded her hands neatly together and slumped in her chair, seeming to want make herself as small as possible. “I suppose so,” she said meekly. It would be more suspicious, and less logical, to assume the group made a misstep.

 

With the girl looking thoroughly defeated in front of him, Hazel nodded to Chacha. His partner’s been riled to tell her the clincher of the situation since they found it. “Vanya - can I call you Vanya?” she said haughtily, before waving away any imagined opposition. “Vanya, are you aware your little escapade took a wrong turn? Not just that they left you, that’s old news by now. But do you know you might be facing __another__  charge?”

 

There was a confused look on her face that Hazel felt like resolving. “We found a dead body.”

 

A beat passed, then another. It seemed for a moment that Vanya entered a state of silent shock, but then she started shaking her head violently and clutching at her heart. “You’re joking. You have to be! Is this legal? Is it legal to emotionally abuse and lie to me like this?!”

 

“We tracked your phone number and found the Academy’s van, ditched on the side of the road, about a couple minutes’ ride from the museum.”

 

“You’re lying! That’s complete bullshit!”

 

“Inside was a number of playing cards and other magic props. The body was propped against the back seat.”

 

“No, that’s not possible. They wouldn’t have done that! They said nothing bad would happen!”

 

Hazel let her take a breath before asking: “Who said?”

 

Vanya froze immediately. Her eyes widened and she leaned heavily against the table, Hazel wasn’t sure she even knew that she stood up to hover him during her fit. But the way her body slump forward, towards him, he could see the sweaty locks of hair that fell out of her ponytail. Chacha was on her feet, hand near her belt, ready to grab her baton, but Hazel shot his arm out at her. He peered up at Vanya and gave as comforting a smile as he could.

 

Vanya pushed herself back down to her chair before letting the room echo her words. “I want to call my lawyer.”

**Author's Note:**

> Is this a weird place to end? Yes, yes it is. 
> 
> I don't have a real plot for this, so this is likely finito. Let me know what you think and I'll let you know if this helped with paper-writing lol. Title is from "I've Been Blind" by The Fratellis.


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